How Have Your Practice Been?

How have your practice been?

Of late, my practice had slacked. Sometimes, I open my eyes, wide awake in the wees hours of the morning and yet I choose to sleep in almost everytime. Thereafter, I will wake up feeling as if I had sleep paralysis. It's a very tiring and drained feeling. When I asked why I have a sleeping condition, ie wake up feeling tired, I was told by several teachers that it's my kamma. I do believe so because no doctors or even mediums that I have seen could cure this condition. I discovered that it can be reduced if I were to meditate and chant before sleeping and dedicate merits to suffering beings. I will generally wake up very early feeling wide awake and fresh- maybe about 3.30am or 5am- and if I were to really meditate and dedicate the merits, if I go back to sleep later, I am less inclined to wake up feeling drained.

Yesterday, I dreamt about robed monks- and in the dream, I was torn between making offering to them and concentrating on my material but unfilfilling world. I wake up with the realisation that the dream carried a message- that I am really slacking just too much for my own good.

When I stayed in the monasteries, I am much more diligent and put in hours in my practice and meditation. Probably it is also due to fear of sleeping out in the open and practice is always the best way to protect ourselves against the elements. The teachers always tell us that it is our daily practice that matters. In the practice, my heart experience lots of peace and happiness. But my kilesas will try to deter me. I will try not to slack- try to dedicate more time to just do my sitting.